i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
PANTIES FOUND
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