Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
