why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
