I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
