Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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