My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
