You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
