His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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