That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
