I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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