I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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