obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
