I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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