Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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