so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
