my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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