There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
