Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
