found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
