Already got asked if we're dating
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
