Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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