Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
