I'm going to jail i love you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
