You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
