and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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