ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
