Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
