I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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