There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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