I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
