shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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