He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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