a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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