what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
