I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she smelled like a LAN party
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
