the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
