I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
