arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
