I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
