she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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