oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
