It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
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just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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