Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
