Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
