The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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