my phone needs a breathalizer
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
