So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
