my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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