question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Houston, we have a blender
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
