i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
