someone owes me an orgasm
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
