If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
