I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
