all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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