Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
