After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
