I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
