All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
