his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
