Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
