I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
