I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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