the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
