So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
