Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had to cum in my sink.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
