I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
