you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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