If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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