Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
