is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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