we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
